Femina Maskulinaa home for two: a guide to sharing a home and setting it up

An independent guide to sharing a home and setting it up. We do not give advice on family or legal matters, do not sell products and are not affiliated with the previous website on this domain.

Planning

Planning the work

A renovation tests life together harder than a move. The decisions multiply while the time for each one shrinks; dust, noise and waiting for contractors wear both of you out. The good news is that most disagreements can be defused before the first hammer swing: write down your wishes in advance, agree on the order of work and on who stays in touch with the crew. Below is a calm sequence for renovating together.

Shared list first, hammer second: the other way around is both pricier and louder.

— Worth remembering

How this section works: we describe the general order of a renovation without calculations, amounts or material names. Check remodeling requirements with your building management, and requirements for furniture and appliances in the makers' instructions.

Renovating together, step by step

  1. A shared wish list

    Each of you first writes a list separately, then you merge them into one. That way it captures both the dreams and the small annoyances the other person may never have suspected.

  2. Each person's must-haves

    Let each of you mark a few items you are not willing to give up. Everything else is open for discussion and can wait if necessary.

  3. Order of work

    "Messy" work comes before finishing work: wiring, plastering and leveling go before painting, laying floors and assembling furniture. Electrical work is done by an electrician.

  4. One contact with the contractors

    Agree on which of you talks to the crew. The other passes questions through that person; otherwise the contractors get conflicting instructions and pick whatever suits them best.

  5. Contract, stages and sign-off

    Write down the scope of work, the stages and how each stage will be signed off. Inspect the work together while hidden work is not yet covered by finishes.

  6. A budget with a buffer

    Add up the expected costs and set aside a buffer for the unexpected: a renovation almost always turns up something that wasn't in the plan. Decide in advance where that buffer will come from.

How not to fight over a renovation

Write decisions down. A week later, each of you remembers a verbal agreement your own way, while a note in a shared document or notebook settles who promised what and which shade you meant.

Pause before buying. If you want to grab something right now, take a photo, put it off until evening and discuss it together. Many impulse purchases lose their appeal after a pause like that.

Share responsibility, not just tasks. One of you can keep track of the estimate and deadlines, the other of the finishes, but you make the final decisions about shared rooms together.

Protect your downtime. Agree on times when you don't talk about the renovation at all, and on a spot in the home that stays clean and quiet while the work is going on.

What is easy to overlook

  • Where you will sleep, cook and work while the renovation is underway.
  • Where to put clothes and textiles for that time so they don't soak up dust.
  • Outlets and lights by each side of the bed and at each workspace; an electrician runs them.
  • Wall anchoring for tall wardrobes and shelving units.
  • Storage space for both people's seasonal things.
  • Access to meters and shutoff valves once the furniture is in place.
  • How-to

    How to split household chores without arguments, combine your belongings when moving in and pick a wall color together using samples.

  • Tools

    A shared to-do list, a calendar for two, a basic toolbox, labeled boxes and a folder for manuals and warranties.

  • Ideas

    Ideas by situation: different sleep schedules, two workspaces, a shared closet, a kitchen for two, the living room and the first move.

What we rely on

  • Instructions and care labels from makers of clothing, furniture and appliances
  • Building management rules and local rules on remodeling
  • Editorial materials of the Femina Maskulina guide

Femina Maskulina's advice is written in general terms and relies on the care labels and instructions from makers of clothing, furniture and appliances, as well as on widely accepted home safety rules. Check how to wash an item or clean a surface on its care label or marking, ask your building management about remodeling, leave electrical work to an electrician and anything involving gas to the gas service.